you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
this hospital has no fireball
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
and you fell through a lawn chair
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
