Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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