She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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