just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize