Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
