i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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