You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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