remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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