God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
