i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
