My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you had me at cake vodka
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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