oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
