Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
