who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
