i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
