I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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