Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
