you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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