dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
