You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
