I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
