Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize