Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
