oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
