he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
