I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
