come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
