i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want a musical about memes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
