It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
