I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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