what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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