Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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