I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
