I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
