We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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