totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize