Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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