shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
