WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
