I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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