Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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