Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
