I'm passing your future prison.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
