If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
