A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize