I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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