I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
