so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
