Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
