Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
