if you like me you must not know who I am
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
