Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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