Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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