he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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