I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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