when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The air was thick with penises
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize