Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
