woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
