Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
