I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize