I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
