It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
