ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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