So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
