I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
