we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
